Almost is Never Enough
by B Schilke
Summary: Training in healing leads to a conversation between Hawke  F  and Anders regarding Justice and their unspoken 'just friends' status.


Marion breathed deeply and then tried not to gag on the stench that persisted in Darktown. She heard Anders snicker at her suddenly green tint and ignored him too, focusing her ability, the same thing that would condemn her to a life in the Gallows, to saving the frail woman under her hands. The woman's color returned and her husband began gushing compliments to both of them as Anders handed him his newborn boy. She ignored the praise as well and pressed coin into his offered hand. He blinked in shock, then that Feraldan pride started to rise in his eyes. "Please, for your son... It's just a loan until you get on your feet." He looked down at the boy in his arms and caved, promising the return of her money one day. She nodded and looked over the packed Clinic.

"Does it ever end?" She felt weak just looking at the sickness that surrounded them. Ander's arm fell over her shoulders and he squeezed her against his body.

"Of course," he smiled at her, "After we've passed out from exhaustion. They will get the hint and come back the next day."

"So very funny, aren't you?" She shoved his arm off of her and shook her head. He shrugged in response and she started to understand…and kept shaking her head. "Anders. Please tell me you're joking. And going off with me for one mission after another. You're only human."

"Well, that's where you're wrong." He couldn't have sounded more chirper. She glared at the reminder and he laughed as he waved over the next two patients.

It wasn't long after when she proved that she, at least, was still human. The healing had gone fine. She hadn't even felt all that tired and when she looked down and saw the lack of the pulsing, festering and completely disgusting infection, she smiled…and dropped to the floor of the Clinic in a heap. It was a struggle to retain consciences and so she listened helplessly as Anders told them to come back tomorrow and shut the doors. She had just barely managed to drag herself onto one of the now empty cots and lean against the wall when Anders strolled over to her, a slight smile on his face and shaking his head.

"Justice is impressed. He still thinks you lack commitment, but he's been forced to accept you have more than enough skill." He leaned against the wooden post in front of her cot. "And I have officially nothing left to teach you. You might not have been a healer before, but you are now, Hawke."

"I hate it when you do that." She squeezed her eyes shut as her head began to pound. A sure sign of her exhaustion, spilling the truth despite the conflict she knew it would cause.

"Ouch. Hate is a very strong word. Are you sure you meant that?" Anders joked. His defense mechanism when those he couldn't hate did something he didn't like.

Too bad it worked so well on her. She squinted at him and felt the small smile lift her lips despite her frustration. "Okay. Maybe that was a little harsh."

He smiled, the light in his eyes returning, and then sat next to her. "Here. Let me help a little at least before you decide you hate me again."

"I didn't say I hated you." She argued and then his fingers pressed against her temples and warmth flowed from them. Her headache relented.

"It's not really something I can cure. Sometimes only rest can do the trick, a body can only be pushed so far before sleep is the only cure, no matter how amazing the healer is." He feinted a sigh.

She laughed and shook her head, finally able to lift it off the wall now that it didn't feel as if it was trying to burst open. "Anders. Can I…", she hesitated and then continued just as she watched him open his mouth, "ask you something? Serious. I need a serious answer."

His mouth shut once again on his answer and he leaned a little away from her, one eyebrow arched. "Well I have to say yes now… There's no way I can not know what this important serious question is."

"Ha ha." She rolled her eyes and he snickered again. "Why do you do that?" His eyebrow shot back up and she smiled. "You constantly remind everyone that you and Justice are one person now. Like when Isabela was calling your name in the middle of the street…", she shook her head at the memory and Anders rolled his eyes, "Yet other times you yourself refer to Justice as if he isn't you, as if he has his own opinions…which is it?"

"Right. I think it's time for you to head back to your mansion, that little bit of healing isn't going to make that headache stay away for long." He stood up, helping her stand by pulling on her arm.

"Anders." She didn't stamp her feet or demand the serious answer he had promised her. It was likely why he looked so defeated as he met her gaze. He always did better with anger, something he was used to being on the receiving end of, not this concern of a friend.

"I don't know how to answer that, Marion." He moved to the table and began absently mixing a healing potion she had convinced Lady Elegant to show him. "You're asking me something I've asked myself so many times, so many nights." The potion was completed in the span of his sentence and she made a mental note that her skills weren't the only ones that had improved. He turned to face her, swirling the potion in his hands as he leaned against the table. "I remember me. I remember who I was, my mother, my childhood, even the Circle. So when I get these odd thoughts, these things I don't remember ever having considered let alone thought enough about to form an opinion, I guess I blame them on Justice." He looked miserable. She hated that he so often looked miserable and she hated that she could never give him the comfort he wanted. He gave her a crooked grin. "That's the best I can do."

She gave a sigh and hugged him. He held onto her as she tried to pull away and she could have sworn she could hear Isabela screaming 'I told you so' from the Hanged Man. "Anders."

He planted a chaste kiss on her forehead and released her. "I know, Hawke. We may have never talked about it, but I know. It's just as well. I'll only break your heart."

She rolled her eyes. "Right, cause I was just thinking what a lady's man you are, going through women like they were nothing."

She was rewarded with a smile, a sad smile, but a smile. "You jest, but that might have been the one thing you missed out on in the Circle. I was quite the catch."

"Especially for the Templars who had to hunt you down all those times." She added and he shrugged.

"Now who's being funny? Go, Hawke. I'm fine. We're fine." He walked with her to the cellar entrance and then pushed the hair out of her eyes as she turned to say something, that sad look was back. "You deserve to be happy, Marion."

She grabbed his hand and squeezed. "So do you, Anders, and one day, we will be. Just be patient, we can't undo centuries in one move." He smiled, nodded and said goodbye as she went up the ladder to the passage. She wondered if he really thought she didn't notice that his agreement never reached his eyes.


End file.
